My adult life spiraled downhill as the hollow valleys of addiction dawned like shadows from a dark sunset. As hard as I tried to get clean, sobriety was always in vision but just out of reach. Just like the carrot dangling in front of the hungry horse, I could see victory but never reach the goal. Life festered in frustration and disappointment, one after another.
Memories are a potent thing. When they surface, they seem to carry a vibration straight to the deeper and more intimate places of the soul. It’s interesting, how one day we are going about our business, as normal, then something triggers entrance into this special place; and just like that, we are right back to the time when the memory originally occurred.
Our needs tend to differ day-to-day, hour-to-hour. Last night I lay in bed awake and became hungry. Out of nowhere a hankering arose and I craved a Lärabar. So, my feet landed on the floor and I paced myself to the snack cabinet to grab, and enjoy, the unique cashew-blend.
As I recall, it hit me like a ton of bricks, but as I reread the journal entry I was disappointed. You see, the decision to begin blogging about addiction has redefined my ideas of fulfillment. In many ways it’s a miracle. So when I looked back and all I had was 2-3 bullet points, I was surprised; I remember it being much more!